i don’t think i’ll ever be ready to be a parent i can’t even raise a spider how do u expect me to kill a child
oh good god i fucked up
i was talking to my friend about the similarities between gryffindor and slytherin, and he told me to come up with a concise way to explain the differences between the two.
so i told him, “if you make a gryffindor mad and they storm out on you, they’ll get a lot of satisfaction out of slamming the door behind them. but a slytherin will leave it wide open, because they’ll get the most satisfaction knowing they made you get up to close it.”
I am going to start swearing by authors
"Holy mother of Mary Shelley!"
"What the Tolkien?"
"By Victor Hugo’s spare underpants!"
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph Conrad!"
"Pardon my Molière, but I don’t give a Faulkner."
Thank you supernatural fandom
Do you want to build a pentagonal dodecahedron…..?
It doesn’t have to be a pentagonal dodecahedron.
making plans with friends like
Sometimes you stop talking to someone because you keep telling yourself that if they wanted to talk to you, they would.
is it really that hard to put “margarine”
SCHRODINGERS BUTTER THOUGH…
wow I’ve gotten a bunch of these this is getting hard
- My eyes are cool
- I’m really good at math
- I can sleep for 15 hours straight
- I have nice hands
- I give some of the most entertaining presents
THIS IS MY FAVORITE.
I just hurt myself laughing
Jesus, you JESUS.
OH MY GOD
Happy Good Friday
”’I’m really not a cat person”’
but their feeT LOOK LIKE BEANS
THEIR. FEET. LOOK. LIKE. BEANS.
Frankenstein enters into a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective
FOR THE LAST TIME, FRANKENSTEIN WAS THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR
…a doctor who built a body.
i think it’s a universal truth that everyone in our generation takes pluto’s losing its planetary status as a personal offense
pluto is smaller than russia. why did we ever even consider it a planet?
BECAUSE IT’S A PART OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM
OHANA MEANS FAMILY
FAMILY MEANS NO ONE IS LEFT BEHIND
The wheels take impact and stress off your legs, and the position helps your spine, but you’re still doing running motions instead of biking motions, so your legs are getting a good workout, and you can go for longer
nerdy shit aside, iamgine how sick it must be to just let those feet fly into the air and do superman poses down a highway
this is some dr seuss shit what the HELL….
get me this now